5 Things to Handle by Age 40Sex, Love, Commitment Get it Straight by 40
I live in South Beach Miami, Florida otherwise known as land of the adult-o-lecents. The majority of people here are immature. Even at 75 years old they are immature. They mistake being youthful and young minded with immaturity. I know this old man, he has to be around 80 and he’s still chasing 30 year olds around, having parties at his home and leading a hedonistic lifestyle. I see the women who flock to his mini mansion. They’re all fake, dress like escorts because 80% are. Most of the women have an agenda which is to use this old sweet man for parties, to be seen, drugs, champagne and in exchange they will stroke his ego (possibly stroke something else). I just pray he doesn’t have a stroke. Nice guy but he exemplifies this celebrated culture of noncommittal, immaturity. How sad that he was hurt so badly that he lost faith in true love and convinced himself that true love is of no value. Good for him to have a young spirit. I have one too but at 80, I don’t want to be in a hot tub with a bottle of champagne in one hand and sparklers in another. That said, there are certain things I believe adults must have a firm grip on by the time they reach 40. If they fail to, they drag others down with them in their swirl of adult-o-lecence. Here are 5 things to handle by age 40.
1. Know who you are and what you want.
I am amazed at how many people don’t know who they are and what they want. Sure who you are and what you want at 25 changes by 35 but by 40 you have to have a firm handle on who you are and what you want. Meaning, you know the kind of people you want to surround yourself with, why, and how to go about attracting these people. This applies to your business and personal life. There are many people age 40 and above who have their careers functioning on all pistons but who are clueless about self love, relationships and cannot commit to anything or they self sabotage. They flip flop one year to the next and go nowhere. They see 30 turn to 35 then 40 then 45 then 50, and slip into denial because perhaps their careers have gone nowhere, their finances are that of a 23 year old and emotionally they choose the “don’t go there” approach. They live life on the surface all because they don’t know who they are and what they want or worse, they know exactly what they want but feel they don’t deserve it.
2. Stop seeking your parent’s approval.
There comes a point in life where you realize that your parents are people with flaws. They have their issues and are victims of victims learning as they go. You start to realize it is a miracle you’re alive. You listen to their views and are inspired by some and shaking your head at others. Although you love them with all your heart, when you speak to them you see that they’re sipping from the punch bowl of fear and limiting beliefs and you can’t have that in your life. You want to start a business, pursue a passion only to have a father telling you to get a “real job.” Thank God my father doesn’t do this but he will tell me to be careful going food shopping after 9pm. “Lisa be careful of the lunatics out there.” As if there are attackers in the produce aisle at Publix. I know he means it lovingly. By 40 you should be taking action in your life on your own terms and keeping parents in the know on an as needed basis. In other words as long as you aren’t asking mommy and daddy for money, there are certain aspects of your life that really isn’t any of their business. The only reason you overshare with your parents is because you’re seeking their validation. As long as you are feeding, clothing and sheltering yourself, parents are happy. You don’t need their approval. It’s nice to have their support but by 40 you better not need it. Live your life!
3. Be cool with rolling solo.
I am astounded by the number of people willing to settle for having relationships with people who aren’t doing anything admirable with their lives or who are emotional cripples. They tolerate people who are on the take emotionally and/or financially. People in her 40’s must know better. Lending an adult hundreds or thousands of dollars 5 months into the relationship is a RED FLAG! What are you doing? Are you that desperate to be in a relationship that any slacker will do? Or what about the man who is scratching his head 6 months into a relationship at 7:30am when he’s outside walking his girlfriend’s maltese Dolce while she sleeps. This is a man who is 6’2″ 215, all muscle but has a problem asking his 115 pound girlfriend to split the rent or at least contribute something. He’s manipulated. He allows it. Both people have a problem. They don’t revel in their solitude. There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone means you can have a blast by yourself. You can sit at the bar and enjoy a meal by yourself. You can arrive anywhere alone and leave alone. You don’t need an entourage. You’re secure and happy with your life and are protective about who you allow in it. When you’re lonely you’re passing time by yourself holding out for the next person to look in your direction. You have no idea no care for getting to the nitty gritty of whether or not this person is good for you or not. They have a pulse. They are giving you attention. That’s enough. Nope. By age 40 you must be cool with rolling solo.
4. Holding your booze.
If you’re over 35 and slurring and stumbling that’s a problem. Look, I’m cool with getting a little buzzed with friends now and again. However, when your eyes are fighting to remain open and you’re leaning on people spitting on them when you speak, then you’re a frat boy or sorority girl (or are escaping some inner demons). Grow up and be dignified. You’re an adult. Handle your booze. Face whatever is leading you to choose to escape in this way. Be someone who can knock back a few yet always maintain full control. You don’t lose your bag or your phone and you don’t need anyone to babysit you. You’re a confident, secure adult with purpose and by 40 you know better than to behave like an immature lightweight.
5. Seeking quality over quantity.
Social media has made people nuts. Followers aren’t friends. I have close to 5,000 “friends” on Facebook. I purposely have about 3-5 friends in my life that I know I can go to for advice and who would truly be there for me. I know that my business and my long term goals require me to have a social media following. Sure there are quality people on my social media but by age 40 life isn’t a popularity contest. You’ve hopefully by 40 have created a life worth protecting. You are kind and open to new friendships but you know the kind of people you want to surround yourself with. You commit to a zero tolerance for negativity and when someone behaves negatively there’s no need for a big argument, you just decide and move along.
If you’re 40 years old and feel lost and clueless lacking motivation stuck in a comfort zone then commit to making some changes in your life. You can accomplish more in 1 year than you did in the last 10. However, doing the same thing and justifying it isn’t going to lead to creating the life you dream of. You want the great relationship then BECOME great. Commit to calling yourself out on your own BS, work on yourself and watch what happens. Forty is NOT the new 30. Forty is 40. Deal with it and move your ass. Time is precious.
About the author: Lisa Concepcion is the founder of LoveQuest Marketing, a personal development firm that applies proven marketing techniques and tactics to teach people how to find, give and keep love. Based in Miami, Florida; Lisa is a self proclaimed “Love Strategist” who offers group workshops, one-on-one sessions and writes and speaks on the topic of dating, relationships and individual betterment. Connect with Lisa via LoveQuestMarketing.com and via twitter @lisatakesmiami .