Advice for Long Distance Love
Dear Lisa, I need some advice for long distance love. I’m a 37 year old man and met the woman of my dreams on social media. The thing is I live in Chicago and she lives in Miami. Both of us have never been married, no kids (I have a dog and so does she). We’ve done the long distance thing for 5 months and every time we part, it gets harder. It’s truly love. She wants me to move to Miami. I heard Miami sucks (superficial people and shady for business, I do real estate). She won’t move to Chicago because she hates the cold and her family are all in Miami. Should I relocate for love? Is Miami that bad for a midwestern gringo? HELP! I miss my little Cubana.
Sleepless in ChiTown
Dear Sleepless in ChiTown
Ok first of all I start with a disclaimer. I am 100% against long distance relationships. I find them to be a colossal waste of time. I do know of someone who met her dream man in Miami. He was here visiting. They met while he was taking a run on the beach. Within 6 months she was living with him in California. That was a year and a half ago and they just had a baby. Here’s the thing. Their situation worked because right from the start they were flying back and forth to see one another. There was effort and money to afford the effort. Fairytales can happen but it takes work and money. My friend Jennifer made less money, realized her jewelry business wouldn’t thrive in Miami at the level it could in California. So it was a no brainer decision for her. She moved to be with her man knowing her business would do better too. That’s the rule. The person making more determines who moves where.
You didn’t share what your “little Cubana” does for a living and I don’t want to presume that just because she’s Latina and in Miami that she’s a grown adult still living with her parents scraping by. Perhaps she does great for herself in her career. Either way this is a huge decision and you need to discuss it. You need to crunch the numbers and really plan it. If she’s doing well and you can establish yourself as a great real estate agent in a sea of mediocre ones here in Miami, then perhaps you should move here. But if your Cubanita is working as a restaurant hostess for $12.00 / hr, you need to be the man calling the shots on who moves where.
Given her reluctance to move is family focused ask her about her family. How involved is she? Do you really want to get intensely involved with her family? Be smart or you’ll find yourself in a loud, crowded house watching the Dolphins every Sunday, with your bank account drained and your belly widening from all that great Cuban food. Think of the life you want to create and if she’s on board.
I suggest you try finding someone in your own neck of the woods. There are plenty of Latinas in Chicago. True they are always covered up with layers of clothes because it is freezing but unless you want to move to Miami for you, don’t do it for love, especially if you earn more than your Cubanita. Talk it through, crunch the numbers. Honest discussions about very serious decisions reveal a lot of truths about how in love people actually are.
Be well, and thanks for your question!
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