Dumped for Being Too Nice
There are many guys out there being dumped for being too nice. Wow! Are women that self hating that they don’t know how to appreciate a great guy when they meet one? I hear women complain all the time that they can’t find any good guys and then, when they do, they treat him terribly or dump him for being too nice. Here’s a note from what sounds like a total catch and my advice for him and other nice guys out there.
Your blog is great. I found you off Twitter. Hope you can help me. I have the “Niceguy Curse.” I’ve asked around and heard other guys like me are tired of being dumped for being too nice. Don’t women like being treated well? Here’s my story. I’m 32, a good looking guy, in shape, funny, nice, a 9th grade math teacher, global on-line math tutor and consultant (I basically check the work engineers do for quality control to see that the math adds up). I have no problem meeting women. When they meet me they compliment me saying I’m a great guy and that they “got lucky” because there are so many terrible guys out there. Then we start to date. I’m romantic! I go the extra mile for any girl I date. I’m a gentleman. I take an interest in them and don’t expect sex on the first date. I’m not a player, like at all. I call. I text. I’m attentive. Yet, I am constantly being dumped or having it fizzle after a month. When I ask why they tell me that despite thinking I’m attractive and wonderful, they see me as more of a friend because I’m just too nice. Should I start being a dick? Seems like players get the girls chasing them.
Dear Mr. Niceguy,
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT give into the dark side. The issue is the women, not you. Please trust me on this. Yes, there are player guys out there. Yes, they are terrible and yes, great women are burned by them daily. You don’t want to be the “player guy.” The player guy attracts dimwitted airheads with daddy issues. Confident women of value sniff out player types in ten seconds and discard them like chewed gum. You want the quality woman who doesn’t want the player.
You’re probably thinking, yeah but Lisa these women say they don’t want players and tell me they want a nice great guy. Then a month later they cool off and dump me. Again, it’s them and their own self worth. No woman of worth is going to allow herself to be mistreated or disrespected. When a woman dumps a guy for being too nice it’s either because she think she deserves the best treatment or, the sex wasn’t good, or, a combination of the two.
Most “nice guys” are so focused on pleasing the woman they’re with, that they fail to decipher whether or not she’s right for him. They are so eager to please, that they make the woman wonder if he has a spine. Some women may even pick a fight with a nice guy or make him jump through hoops to see if he will or will not tolerate it. Here’s the rule, “me before we.” Say it to yourself before any interaction with any woman you are interested in or dating. “Me before we.” You must put yourself first. That doesn’t mean mistreating her or purposely not calling when you say you will or ignoring texts and playing games. Putting yourself first means you know what you will and will not tolerate and what you want. It means you know that you have a full, great, life packed with things that matter to you and you choose who fits into your great life. It’s not about being chosen. It’s about you always choosing. A confident woman with her own full, great life will appreciate and respect that. She, like you, is also choosing who she will allow into her full life. She’ll find your self confidence incredibly powerful, relatable, sexy, irresistible and above all, she’ll feel secure with you. She will LOVE being treated nice by you and will brag about how lucky she is to have found such a great guy.
You’re a mathematician! This means you size things up and view the world in an analytical way. Apply that mind to dating. Dude it’s math! It’s a numbers game. You of all people should know this. Keep dating. Keep being yourself. Keep being great to women. Remember the sooner the wrong women, with their own hang ups dismiss you, the sooner you’ll get to your great woman. She’s looking for you and she wants you exactly as you are. You treat women amazing. More men should learn from you. Hope this helps and of course, thank you for following me.
Lisa Concepcion is a marketing consultant and a personal mojo master because the term “life coach” gives her hives. Follow her on Twitter @lisatakesmiami.