Need Help With Social Media Drama on Instagram
Dear Lisa, I need help with Social Media drama on Instagram. My wife is making me crazy. I’m 40 and my wife is 39. We’ve been married 12 years and she freaks out about who I follow on Instagram. I like to follow hot women, celebrities, models with booty. I’m never going to meet any of them. It’s no different than looking at a magazine. She says it’s totally different because I can communicate with them. I try to put her mind at ease but she wants to screen everyone I follow. She’s even asked me to get off Instagram all together. Should I?
Give it to me straight. I’m in InstaHotWater.
I always suggest people get to the root of problems. Who you’re following on Instagram isn’t the issue, a lack of trust is. Your wife, for whatever reason, has trust issues and that needs to be handled. Either there’s an insecurity within herself or, she has a legitimate reason to disapprove of your use of Instagram. Perhaps because of something you (or some other dude) did in the past. Here’s what to do.
- Have meetings. Couples should meet weekly. There should be no TV, no background noise, no phones, and tell the kids to go play. The meetings should be just the two of you at a table. Each of your should have notebooks and pens. During these meetings go over the goals for the week, what you both need help with, and then go over the long term goal to make sure you’re both on the same page.
- Seek solutions. Ask her what you can do to put her at ease with your use of Instagram. Open the discussion to reach an agreement. It’s clearly an issue for both of you. Get to the core issue. It’s not about Instagram. Dig deeper find the bigger issue and solve that!
- Hear her out without any interruption. NO MATTER WHAT zip your lip and let her talk. Don’t make her feel wrong for having her concerns. You can’t argue feelings. If someone feels sad you can’t make them feel wrong for feeling sad. You can ask them what they need to feel happy. Ya follow? Your wife might talk herself into thinking your Instagram behavior silly and not worth being angry over just by exploring her concerns out loud. Or, other deeper concerns will surface. Don’t dodge this. Be an adult and have the hard conversations. That is how you get closer. When you and your wife are closely bonded the drama in all aspects of the marriage disappears. You’re a team!
- Handle the deeper concerns. How? Again, seek to negotiate and seek truths. Explore why you feel the need to follow hot women on Instagram. What’s the value in this. What’s lacking in yourself? Are you not getting enough attention from your wife? Are you not busy enough in your life that you have time to Instagram?
- Set goals individually and together. When I say goals I’m talking BIG ONES! Couples who have stuff to look forward to and who are striving for big things don’t have time to be Instagramming for booty. They’re too busy working towards achieving the common goal. When couples are disconnected and off doing their own thing are in very dangerous waters. This is when what is thought of as innocent morphs into something destructive.
Communication is always key but so is digging deeper and getting to the root of why we are behaving the way we are. What’s the gain? What’s the harm? Be mature and a hero in your marriage and encourage you and your wife to get intimate. I failed to effectively communicate in my marriage and trust me, the fallout is far worse than a one hour sit down once a week. Now I know better so I do better and you can too.
Good luck getting out of InstaHotWater!
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Until next time…
Master your mojo.